Extending Happy Hour

A recent article in the Boston Globe noted that the class at Harvard University with the highest attendance (855 students) is called “Positive Psychology.” The course is about shifting focus: from what’s wrong with us, the state of the world, and life, to what we like about ourselves and what in our life is working well.

In this culture, we are overwhelmingly geared toward dissatisfaction and lack. What I don’t have, what I need more of – with the underlying assumption that if I only had more and better, then I would be happy. Much wiser people than I have written reams on the subject of finding happiness with what is in front of us, not to mention within us; they observe that “happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.”

We’re told that fulfillment comes from the things we acquire. I believe that, in a constantly changing world, material possessions give us a sense of safety and security: “I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, next month, or in five years, but at least right now I have a good music system in my car” – as if quadraphonic sound will protect me or care for me when I’m sick. Yet I have also experienced that acquisition often leads to upping the ante: suddenly I can no longer live a decent life without that new thing that I had been okay without before.

Positive psychology concerns asking questions about what makes life worth living. Is it enough to get through a day at work so we can make it to the bar for Happy Hour (free snacks!), and then go home and collapse into bed, just to go through it all again the next day?

It’s easy to get lulled into just going along with things as they are, and easier still to avoid the hard questions. Ask yourself if you’re happy, enjoying life, loving what you do. Notice your responses: do you come up with rationalizations, excuses, even defensiveness, for why your life has to be the way it is, even if you’re discontent and possibly depressed? Maintaining status quo (the existing condition or state of affairs) may seem to take less effort than letting go of what’s familiar and moving out of your comfort zone – but if status quo is making you miserable, it takes a toll on you nonetheless, not to mention those around you.

The process of extending our own happy hour can be frustrating because of our human tendency to resist making the changes necessary to shift from sadness and pain to satisfaction and delight. It’s not an easy process, for sure: before we can begin to make different choices, choose different responses, we have to believe, even a tiny bit, that other possibilities exist. Then we have to sustain our willpower so that we persevere through the hurdle and struggle of transforming our outlook.

What do you truly need? What makes your life worth living? What brings you joy? What’s already good? Everyone’s different, so it’s not what anyone else says or needs, but you yourself.

What if our happiness isn’t limited to an hour or two, squeezed between work and sleep? What if, as the sages say, it’s not anything outside of us, but what is inside, that gives us strength, hope, comfort, self-knowledge, and contentment?

We can focus on what’s negative and painful, or we can highlight experiences of joy and tranquillity. Consciously choose that which you would like to create in your world, and you will increasingly see it around you. It’s not as trite as it sounds.

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